The Most Underrated Skill I Know

The book "Exactly What to Say" got me thinking.

Most people spend their careers trying to learn what to say.

Far fewer spend time learning how to listen.

But when I think about the best communicators I’ve met, whether they are mortgage brokers, business owners, leaders, or podcast hosts, they all seem to do one thing differently.

They stay curious longer.

Instead of jumping in with answers, they ask another question.

Instead of explaining, they explore.

Instead of assuming, they seek to understand.

This shows up all the time in the mortgage business.

Let’s say a client tells you, “I’m going to wait until rates come down.”

Most people immediately start explaining why that might not be the best strategy.

A better response might be, “What makes you say that?”

Maybe they read a headline.

Maybe a friend gave them advice.

Maybe they are nervous.

Maybe they are worried about something completely unrelated to rates.

You do not know until you ask.

The same thing happens with team members, referral partners, spouses, and kids.

We often think we know what people mean.

The reality is that we are usually responding to our interpretation of what they said, not what they actually said.

Three simple words can change that.

"Help me understand."

When people feel heard, they share more.

When they share more, you learn more.

And better information almost always leads to better decisions.

So here is a simple challenge for this week.

Replace one explanation with one question.

Try one of these:

• What makes you say that?

• Tell me more about that.

• Help me understand.

Then listen.

Not to reply. Not to solve.

Just to understand.

You may discover that the real conversation starts after the question.