It's Not About You

I’ve been speaking at mortgage conferences for years.

I found this photo from 2017, when I spoke at the National Mortgage Conference in Niagara Falls.

You would think that after nearly a decade of doing this, I would stop getting in my own head.

Nope.

And maybe that is actually a good thing.

If you keep challenging yourself, there will always be another room that feels bigger.

Another conversation that matters more.

Another opportunity where you wonder if you are ready for it.

I had been getting in my head about this particular talk for weeks.

Would it be good enough?

Would they like it?

Would I look like I knew what I was doing?

Then, standing in that empty ballroom, something clicked.

It’s not about you.

I had been making the entire talk about what 300 people were going to think of me.

But that was not why I was there.

I was there to give them something useful.

That is a very different goal.

Instead of asking, “What are they going to think of me?”

I started asking, “What can I give them?”

And something shifted.

I stopped worrying so much about delivering the perfect talk and started thinking about the people who were going to sit in those chairs.

What did they need?

What could I say that might actually help them?

The talk was not perfect.

I stumbled over a few words.

Some parts were probably messier than I had planned.

But afterward, people came up and told me how much they got out of it.

Being useful mattered more than being polished.

I think that is the bigger lesson.

Experience does not mean you stop doubting yourself.

If you are still growing, you are going to keep putting yourself in situations you have not mastered yet.

The difference is learning to notice when you are getting in your own head and shifting your attention back to what matters.

So before your next sales call, presentation, or difficult conversation, try this:

Stop asking how you are doing.

Start asking how you can help.

You do not need to eliminate the nerves.

You just need somewhere better to put your attention.